Im feeling Old!!!!!! But Im happy x

UGH! Thats it!!  Its official Im 25!!!!!!!!!!!  Can someone please tell me if my IVA company will review my payments so that I can start buying anti wrinkle treatments and maybe a bit of botox???  It is a necessity after all!!!

Birthday was good!  Went out with my mum, friend and auntie and had a right little scream…the best bit about it was that they were also budgeting so I didnt feel like the scrubber for once!!!  My mum made sure that we went to all the cheap places and they are definetly thebest for a night out, karioke bars were a scream…Im thinking of maybe auditioning for the Xfactor now lol!  But that got me thinking???  If I was to and by some strange force even made it through to bootcamp or even the live finals would my IVA payments still stand???  I could probably just sell my story to a paper just to make enough gt myself out of debt!lol.

I really am in a much better place today, yes Im skint, and yes Ive got to spend the week in Wales, team building with work, but before that I get to see my man, 2 weeks hes been away and I cant wait to just get that cuddle!!!!  Rumour has it that Im getting an LCD tv off him for my birthday!!!  I will literally cry if I do, I really have been splashed out on this year!!  My dad got me a shower for my bathroom, and my brothers gave me clothes vouchers, and I never normally get anything!!  That is not the reason Im happy, Im just made up the man is coming home, I’m starting to realise day by day that yes money is nice and ys I love splurging on clothes but Im sat here happy?!!!! Without it!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So Im signing off now and prob wont be able to blog till next Friday, but in the mean time if anyone has the answer to my botox question and my IP maybe letting me off for a few month with payments then let me know!! x

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Birthday 1 day away

Well the day will arrive tommorrow….25 years old!!  Why cant I just enjoy the fact its my birthday and stop worrying about how much I will spend during it…..!!!!!!!  The growth Im seeing in myself in the last year is amazing, out on the tiles tmos and Im actually going to wear a dress Ive worn before!!!  And Im not bothered!  Some people ringing this may thinks its a bit snobby not wanting to wear the same dress twice but and woman will understand that!  I have however splashed out on a box of hair dye to retouch my roots and was thinking of pushing the boat out and buying some eyelashes but dont think I can stretch that far…i now realise that every penny counts!!  3 years ago I would of thought nothing about spending a £100 on a new outfit for my weekly saturday night out and then further money to go out with, now its a different story!

Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend actually understands the situation I am in, and even though I tell him I still dont think he does!!  Ive even gone as far as showing him my expenditure and he still cant grasp it, he wants to go to Alton Towers on Monday as hes been away for two weeks and get a hotel for my birthday and I presumed he was paying and agreed, he rang yesterday and I told him Id found a hotel for such amount, he said thats fine I can then pay for the tickets into thepark….shocked at this I saidI couldnt afford it, and although he didnt get in a gruff he just laughed and said “oh Im paying am I you tight cow”.  It really frustrates me!!!!!!!  If  anyone knows me they know that if I could I would pay for anything (reason I got in debt in the first place) and I do feel bad when I cant pay for these kind of things, and even a little comment like tht, even though I know he was joking still makes me feel ashamed an small!  I would love nothing more than to pay for trips etc… he did it the other week, he asked me to pick up some trainers and a present for his mum as he wouldnt get chance, and I did..£75 it came to, and the next day when I gave him them, he said he had no cash on him and would give it me back when he cme back from his 2 weekd away.  I know he will, but he just dosent understand how living without that £75.00 for the next two weeks before pay day is going to make me really struggle!!  He lives at home with the parents (26 he is), has good money coming in and he does pay for an awful lot, he will think nothing of treating me to a restaurant and pics, he seems to understand in some ways, but I just always feel guilty when he puts his hand in his pockets and he dosent do anything to make me feel that way!!  He i supportive, he encourages me to work hard to get my full bonus in work next May so that I can make an offer and get myself out of this, but I just still think sometimes he dosent understand the full extent!  If he wants to go here and there, he knows he has to pay and it dosent stop him, suppose Im lucky there that I can still enjoy some of the little pleasures in life that I used to take for granted as he takes me, and Im not being ungreatful but that guilt just eats away at me….

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Hello world!

Didnt really want to enter onto a site like this, dont really want to admit thatIm in one of those dreaded things, I dont really no how to deal with it.  The fact that I am writing my first post on One of these forums is just leaving a little lump in my throat!!!  Here it goes……..

By the sounds of it you would think I was  newbie wouldnt you to this, nope…Ive been in my thing (I cant say it)  for the last 17 months! Entered into it as a single 23 yr old girl, with £27000 worth of debt (Im so ashamed) and a new 100% mortgage (just before the credit crunch started), and here I now am with a home that really needs renovating and I find myself constantly lying when my family ask “how did you get into that much debt?”.  To be honest Ive lost track of the times Ive lied…excuses used…my ex took credit cards out in my name….its only so much because there is an unsecured element in my mortgage….the list goes on!!  The realisation is I was from a big family, money was sparse and my dad very strict when he did have it…so whenI moved out of home at 17 with my own regular income I went a bit mad!!  Even I dont know how it ended up like that.  Im on a good wage for my age now, Ive got a mortgage, own car, how different would life be if I hadnt of needed that dress or that fancy holiday abroad or just wanted to treat my friends!!  Id be sitting pretty with all the above which yeh I do have, a house, a car a good income, but I cant enjoy them, my mates go to the pub or even for lunch and I cant go, my social life is in tatters!!!  Thank god for my boyfriend whom I met before I entered the IVA….who thought when we first started going out was going outt with a wealthy young girl with her own home and a good job….over the last 3 years he has learnt the truth about my situation bit by bit..and although he has stuck around, im slowly seeing that this thing Im in is going to have an effect on me and him moving forward……but thats for another day…….

Im off to make tea now, well with what I have in the fridge….Ive got £75.00 to last me for 2 weeks, and its my birthday on Friday..(day sesh plannd) which means Ill have to go on basic foods until the next payday…but its my irthday its worth it…….x

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